Good morning soldiers,
Welcome to the first issue of the Blue Bugle. I hope this letter finds you in a favourable position.
We’ve all encountered people in our lives who are a thorn in our side. No matter what we do or say, it seems like they have to put us down, get in the way of our ambitions, or cause us distress. It’s very hard to mitigate these people from detouring our agenda. However, in their current state all they provide us with is misery and extra work. We can learn how to stop these people from getting in the way of our natural progression and happiness.
Strong arming them can work, but there are many situations where it's not presently viable, i.e. a power imbalance, a greater need for you both to be respectful or get along etc. This is primarily for those situations.
In my opinion, contrary to the proverb, I believe it is possible to change people. But, the much easier approach is changing how people perceive you, by changing your own actions. It starts with mindset. First accept that what you need them to change for you to finally be happy or to get on with your order of business is probably not going to happen in the present state of things. You have to bite the bullet and be the first one to change, not yourself, but the way you act towards them.
So, what's to change?
Decide what will be the most effective cause of action, based on the specific situation. A question to ask yourself that I’ve found to be helpful is:
“What or who do I need to be for them in order for them to stop taking from me, or even advance me?”
You may be struggling because you are in a situation where the person in question is unavoidable, you can’t just cut them out of your life, so instead you must mold yourself to be an acceptable part of their picture or life, they in turn eventually mold themselves so they become something acceptable in yours.
I’ve found a good place to start is by being kind to them and thinking from their perspective, ponder what is useful or desirable to them. How can you go out of your way to do things that they appreciate or find helpful? It’s a small sacrifice to do something their way in order for them to stop interfering with your greater state of affairs. I find that providing them with value, and being somewhat of a pawn or aid to them can be persuasive.
It’s not about forcing yourself to forget what they have done, or how they have treated you, it's about temporarily changing your actions and setting aside your ego so they go from a position of opposition to neutrality, getting them to fit in your vision without friction. You are simply designing them to work for you and live in your world in a way that doesn’t cause you distress.
It has often been hard to bring myself to do this, but it may bring you some consolation to think about it like this: You are only doing this for your own good, in a somewhat selfish, strategic way. You are doing it to progress forward by removing the meaningless roadblock getting in the way. You are losing a battle to win the war, you are letting them think he has one-upped you, but they are the real fool.
So, extend the olive branch via your actions towards them every day. Work towards becoming someone who can peacefully coexist with them, and by extension get them to a place where they will even advance your cause. You can execute this in whatever way you see fit. You could start by doing some things their way, aiding them wherever you can, serving a purpose in their eyes, and just being kind to them, show them you care. I would say all this depends on the person and situation, and how deep the divide is. Give them love or leave them alone, whatever you believe is the best approach.
It all starts today, you should be proud for progressing your cause. I’m sure it could be very hard and somewhat painful to try this, but these people aren’t worth anything, they are especially not worth getting in your way. You can laugh at them once you are far beyond them, because you got them out of your way. Opportunity seized from your hands or dampened because of such a nobody would be quite tragic. Get out there and give them some, it's all for the greater good.
Go well this week, and make it count.
Your consigliere,
Benjamin